Edward's Story
by liv4volleyball93
Summary: How does Edward feel when he must leave Bella? How does he cope when the reason for his life is gone? Starts after the separation. some mild language..rated t just in case...first fanfic so please review!
1. Mission

okay this story starts out after Edward has left Bella....sob...

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

1. Mission

On my way home, I was thinking about Bella. Again. When would I ever be able to cope with the pain and agony I now endured? I was so close to breaking. The agony of not seeing Bella was tearing me apart. Everyday I wondered if she was happy. Maybe my leaving did not have a positive effect. Maybe she was just as unhappy as I was. Maybe I should just go back to do a quick check on her. _No! No! No! Bella deserves a life. She deserves happiness. She deserves someone who does not have the urge to kill her with every touch._

Each thought of her would shred my heart into millions of fragments, if that were possible. It felt like I was being pulled under water, never to return to the surface. The thought of returning to Forks sounded better and better to me each time I thought of it. But, of course, the two little men I had pictured before, right and wrong, danced before my eyes. The thought of making Bella happy without me kept me away. However, I knew I could not stay very long in this area. It brought back too many memories.

Then, all of a sudden, I had a thought. If I could not make Bella happy myself, I could ensure that her safety was not challenged. I knew the vile creature would not pose any danger to Bella, but I would go after her anyway. I had a mission, now. That was to kill the one last thing that haunted Bella's life. Victoria.

My mission was to attempt tracking her—I had never before tracked in my life before so this should be challenging—and kill the one vile thing that could still potentially threaten my angel's life.

But, how would I start? Obviously, I could not tell my family about this. It would kill Esme with worry and surely Emmett would talk me out of it. The danger to me seemed infinitesimal when it was compared to the favor I would be doing for Bella. Even if I couldn't be with her, I would do my best to make her happy.

I left early the next morning, when the others were out hunting. I knew leaving like this would kill my adopted parents and family, but it was something I had to do.


	2. Phone Call

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

2. Phone Call

It was more difficult tracking than I ever would have imagined. I traced Victoria's scent as far down south as Texas, but at the moment, I was confused. There were two trails. One went back north, and another went south. Considering that she had been on her way south this whole past month, I decided to take the trail south.

The trail led me all the way to South America, which confused me greatly. What would Victoria be doing here? It was most likely a false lead. Ugh. I am clearly not as perceptive as I once thought I was. That time was before Bella had come into my life. Of course. She changed everything. My whole existence was wrapped around her. Every time I shut my eyelids, her face haunted me. Those eyes broke me apart, forcing myself to curl into a ball and let despair hit me like a train.

I was not sure exactly where I was. Except for the fact that I was in some dark attic crawl space, full of rats and spiders. The spiders ignored me, and the rats gave me a wide berth. The air was thick with the heavy scents of cooking oil, rancid meat, human sweat, and the nearly solid layer of pollution that was actually visible in the humid air, like a black film over everything. Below me, four stories of a rickety ghetto tenement teamed with life. I didn't bother to separate the thoughts from the voices—they made a big, loud Spanish clamor that I didn't listen to. I just let the sounds bounce off me. Meaningless. All of it was meaningless. My very existence was meaningless.

The whole world was meaningless.

I noticed my phone was vibrating again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours. I thought about opening the phone, at least seeing who was trying to contact me. Perhaps it was important. Maybe Carlisle needed me.

I thought about it, but I did not move. I wondered how I was able to suffer this long, and how much longer I would be able to endure the pain. My forehead pressed against my knees as I pondered the rightfulness of my decision to leave. Maybe it was hopeless. Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, I should stop torturing myself and just go back…

The idea was so powerful, so _healing_—like the words contained a strong anesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under—that it made me gasp, made me dizzy.

I could leave now, I could go back.

Bella's face, always behind the lids of my eyes, smiled at me.

It was a smile of welcome, of forgiveness, but it did not have the affect my subconscious probably intended it to have.

Of course I could not go back. What was my pain, after all, in comparison to her happiness? She _should_ be able to smile, free from fear and danger. Free from a longing for a soulless future. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here.

The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. My body shook with it. When Bella went on to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion. There must be relief.

That was my hope, but there were no guarantees. _To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub_, I quoted myself. Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel the torture of her loss?

I shuddered again.

And, damn it, I'd promised. I'd promised her that I wouldn't haunt her life again, bring my black demons into it. I wasn't going back on my word. Couldn't I do anything right by her? Anything at all?

The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home on this planet snaked through my thoughts again.

Just to check. Just to see that she's well and safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there…

No. Damn it, no.

The phone vibrated again.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it," I growled.

I could use the distraction, I supposed. I flipped the phone open and registered the numbers with the first shock I'd felt in half a year.

Why would Rosalie be calling me? She was the one person who was probably enjoying my absence.

There must be something truly wrong if she needed to talk to me. Suddenly worried for my family, I hit the send button.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honored."

As soon as I heard her tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was hard to guess at her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made much sense to me. Her impulses were usually founded on the most convoluted kinds of logic.

I snapped the phone shut.

"Leave me alone," I whispered to nobody.

Of course the phone vibrated again at once.

Would she keep calling until she passed along whatever message she was planning to annoy me with? Probably. It would take months for her to grow tired of this game. I toyed with the idea of letting her hit redial for the next half year…and then sighed and answered the phone again.

"Get on with it."

Rosalie rushed through the words. "I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks."

I opened my eyes and stared at the rotten wooden beams three inches from my face.

"What?" My voice was flat, emotionless.

"You know how Alice is—thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie chuckled humorlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing.

But my rage made it hard to care what Rosalie's problem was.

Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my lead in regards to Bella, though she did not agree with my decision. She'd promised that she would let Bella alone…for as long as I did. Clearly, she'd thought I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe she was right about that.

But I hadn't. Yet. So what was she doing in Forks? I wanted to wring her skinny neck. Not that Jasper would let me get that close to her, once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me…

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I didn't answer. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it were possible for a vampire to get a migraine.

On the other hand, if Alice had already gone back…

No. No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the seductive image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

No doubt I would have to grovel, were I to return. I didn't mind that. I could happily spend the next decade on my knees if I were with her.

No, no, no.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie's voice turned a trifle smug now, pleased, no doubt, that she'd forced a response from me. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter."

I blinked my eyes slowly. Bella had left? My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea. She hadn't graduated yet, so she must have returned to her mother. That was good. She should live in sunshine. It was good that she'd been able to put the shadows behind her.

I tried to swallow, and couldn't.

Rosalie trilled a nervous laugh. "So you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!"

"Wait!" she said, sensing, rightly, that I was able to hang up again. "That's not why I called."

"Then why? Tell me quickly, and then _leave me alone._"

"Well…" she hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie said in a rush. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle…"

"I _am_ thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I didn't answer.

"I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," I said, trying to be patient. What she'd said about Esme and Carlisle had struck a chord. "Just because Bella" –it was hard to say her name out loud—"has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I'm able… Look, Rosalie. I really am sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."

"Um…"

There it was, that nervous hesitation again.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme all right? Is Carlisle—"

"They're fine. It's just…well I didn't say that Bella _moved_."

I didn't speak. I ran over our conversation in my head. Yes, Rosalie _had_ said that Bella had moved. She'd said: …_you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter_. And then: _I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished_… So Bella wasn't in Forks. What did she mean, Bella hadn't moved?

Then Rosalie was rushing through her words again, saying them almost angrily this time.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind seemed to be broken. I couldn't make sense of her words. It was like there was something very, very obvious she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was. My brain played with the information, making strange patterns of it. Nonsensical.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

A long pause, the length of a few human heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

A longer pause.

"I'm…sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him—"

The phone went dead. It took me a few seconds to realize that I'd shut the power off.

I sat in the dusty darkness for a long, frozen space. It was like time had ended. Like the universe had stopped.

Slowly, moving like an old man, I turned my phone back on and dialed the one number I'd promised myself I would never call again.

If it was her, I would hang up. If it was Charlie, I'd get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong, and then go back to my nothingness.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.

I didn't pause to think about the implications of that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again.

I had never experienced such a shock before. The universe stopped again. I could have sworn that I felt the earth stop rotating and revolving. The universe really did come to an end. Well, at least, my universe did. Bella was gone. The very core of my existence was gone. If only I had went back and checked on her, I would have found she was unhappy. I would have been able to save her. Her death was my entire fault. Leaving really was a mistake. I would never see my angel again. What had I done?


	3. Italy

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

3. Italy

What would I do without Bella? Obviously, I cannot live without her, so technically I only had one option. Go to Italy, and ask the Volturi to kill me. That was the only way. Jasper and Emmett would never help me, so I had to go. What made the situation even worse was that I could not say goodbye to my family. Not that it all particularly mattered to me anymore. Bella was gone. I could not believe it.

I left as soon as I could. Thankfully, I had no problem booking the flight to Florence. I realized in the middle of my flight that Alice would have seen my decision, so I had to act quickly. Otherwise, I would be doomed to this torture of a world without Bella. I could not even imagine it.

I managed to arrive in Volterra, home of the infamous Volturi, the day after receiving the news. A vampire does not mess around with the Volturi unless they want to die. The Volturi is known for taking care of problems that threaten the existence of our kind.

"Ah, Edward Cullen. What brings you here to our fair city? I assume Carlisle is well," Aro, sort of the leader of the family, asked as I entered his room.

"Yes, Carlisle is well, I suppose. I have not seen him in some time, though. I must ask you of a favor for me," I replied nonchalantly.

"Well, yes, go on.."

"I am not sure how to approach this matter, but…I need you to kill me," I spoke quietly. I was not sure how they would react, since Aro was quite fond of Carlisle. I had forgotten about this fact in my race to the city.

"Hm, and why is that? If you do not mind…can I have your hand?" Aro questioned. Aro was a very powerful vampire; he could read all of someone's thoughts with the touch of a hand.

"Of course. I think that is the best way to explain my current situation," I stepped closer to him and gave him my hand. I gulped as I saw my life replay through his eyes. I shuddered at the sight of Bella in my memories, which were now Aro's as well.

"Well. That is quite a predicament you have there Edward. Let me convene with my brothers to make our decision, and come back tomorrow," he replied, a little shocked at what had happened to me in the last year.

"Of course. Thank you for your time," I stated as I walked away slowly. I could almost feel myself becoming closer to Bella. I still doubted there was an afterlife for my kind, but I could hope for one last chance to be with her, my angel. I shuddered again at the thought of being tortured by the agony I felt now even when I was a pile of ashes.

That night took forever to end. I could not wait any longer to hear the decision. I had to try to find some way to kill myself, because I could no longer endure the pain. I let despair wash over me, and had curled myself into a ball during the night. I closed my eyes and envisioned her. Bella's smile, her inquisitive eyes, her irresistible kitten anger, her most adorable blush every time I touched or kissed her, the soft, warm feel of her skin against my ice hard hands. All of these memories haunted me again that night.

As soon it turned noon, I quickly ran through the streets of Volterra to the entry of where Aro and I would meet with his brothers. The city was preparing for St. Marcus's Day, which was extremely ironic, because the holiday celebrated the riddance of vampires from the city by St. Marcus when he left. However. Marcus had never left the city, and neither did the vampires. In fact, there are most likely even more vampires in the city now than before.

"Edward. Welcome again. My brothers, Caius and Marcus, and I have thought long and hard about your request yesterday. Rather than killing you, we have another proposition for you," Aro stated. He looked excited. In his thoughts, he was thinking about cloaks and how his power would be almighty if he had more gifts to work with.

That's when it clicked. But I did not say anything. I merely nodded.

"How would you like to join us, Edward? As a member of the Volturi? It would be quite a waste to lose such a talent like yours," Aro asked with excitement in his eyes.

"Wow. Thank you for the offer. But…" I hesitated. "I think I'd rather not. I am sure you remember my memories from yesterday. I simply cannot live in this world anymore. It is time for me to leave this damned earth," I replied. I tried to stay nonchalant and indifferent, but I was positive that the pain from losing Bella was evident on my face.

"Well then. I am sorry, Edward. However, we cannot kill you. We do not justify wasteful killing," Aro affirmed with resentfulness in his voice, along with disappointment. It was clear that he simply wanted to use me for my talent. Aro would find it a matter of convenience of being able to hear one person's thoughts from far away, like I did, rather than knowing all thoughts with the touch.

"Thank you for your time then. I suppose I will have to find another way then," I said, slowly walking out of the room. So the Volturi had said no but offered me a place with them. There was no chance of that happening, since my memories of Bella were killing me slowly, inside out. How would I be able to put an end to my misery?


	4. Change of Plans

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

4. Change of Plans

There was only one way to get the Volturi to act now. I had to do something that would cause the Volturi to forcefully kill me—threaten the secret of our existence as vampires.

The Volturi had their guard hunt outside the walls of the city and bring the "food" to the castle, so perhaps the best way for them to react was to hunt inside the city. I could do this as soon as possible, which would be extremely helpful to my hope of seeing Bella one last time.

Yes, I would go hunt inside the city. Two hours should be enough time for me to prepare. Two hours to spend on this damned earth without Bella. How did the earth even exist without her presence?

After an hour and a half, I started to doubt myself. I could not hunt. Blood, especially human blood, was only a reminder of the monster that I really am. Then, I thought of my family, particularly Carlisle. After all this time together, did I really want to give in to the monster and forget everything that I had worked so hard to accomplish? Did I want to disappoint Carlisle at the final minutes of my existence? No. I did not want that. Damn it. What else could I do?

Then, like a train, it hit me. Another memory of when Bella and I were together. When I brought her to our meadow for the first time, to show her what I looked like in sunlight. Bella gaped at my skin. It would be enough to threaten exposure. It would be enough to make the Volturi act before I did anything. All I had to do was step into the direct path of the sun. That would be simple enough.

For the quickest and easiest reaction, I would need the biggest audience possible. If tomorrow was St. Marcus's Day, then the perfect time would be noon in the main plaza. The plan was simple. I would wait for the sun to be exactly overhead, step out under the clock tower, and await the Volturi.

But could I follow through? Esme would nearly die of grief. Carlisle would be greatly disappointed. Emmett. Jasper. Alice. Even Rosalie. What would my family think?


	5. Bella

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

5. Bella

It was approaching noon quickly. The sun would soon be cast right overhead, and I would step out into the sun, exposing what I am. The Volturi would come and kill me a second before I acted. Then, if there were hope for me, I would see Bella again. If my kind did have an afterlife, like Carlisle had believed, I would be able to spend eternity with her. If my suspicions of an afterlife of hell were correct, then I would be tortured by my loss forever. I suppose I deserved it, after telling Bella I no longer loved her. That was the very blackest form of blasphemy. How did she believe me so quickly? Apparently, I did not make my feelings for her very clear. After all the times I told her I loved her, she let one word break her faith. That fact was what hurt the most. I was preparing myself to lie through my teeth for hours, but all I needed was five minutes to break her heart.

I stood in an alley, still covered in darkness. I closed my eyes to envision Bella's smile once again. This smile motivated me to carry through my plan. Noticing that the bell of the tower was chiming the arrival of noon, I took of the white shirt I was wearing and threw it down on the ground, keeping my eyes closed.

It was time. A few moments until I reached an afterlife of either hell or euphoria.

I raised my foot to take the step, but I felt something crash into me. It did not hurt, but it was there. I recognized the voice and the clumsiness of the footing. My arms caught and held up the thing that stepped into me. I thought it was one of the Volturi inflicting some sort of death upon me. Opening my eyes slowly, I saw my angel again.

Bella.

I admit I was surprised that Carlisle was right about the afterlife. Apparently, there was a heaven for even the worst of creatures. How you conducted yourself on the earth mattered, not what form of being you were in.

"Amazing. Carlisle was right," I spoke to my angel, still wondering how I got to her.

However, something was off. "Edward," she gasped with a barely audible sound even for my hearing. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

I softly touched her cheek. How I had missed that soft, velvety feel of her skin. It was almost like touching the petals of a rose. So delicate, fragile, and soft.

The clock tolled, but it didn't matter. My angel was standing right in front of me. She was saving me from my nightmare.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good," I mused, closing my eyes again and pressing my lips into her hair. Nothing had changed. Her hair still smelled like strawberries, but it did not compare to the floral scent of her blood. However, the thought of losing her had forever changed me. I no longer felt the monster churn within me wishing to kill her. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy_ _beauty_," I murmured, quoting Romeo in Juliet's tomb, as the clock boomed its last chime, alerting the city it was noon. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead," she interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

What?! How could she be alive? Did she not jump off a cliff? How was I not dead? Did I not just step into the sun? I felt my brow furrow, a sign of confusion.

"What was that?" I asked in the most polite manner I had been able to manage, as she struggled in my arms.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to _get _out of here before the Volturi—"

The mention of the Volturi's name brought me back to earth. I was still confused, but we were alive, somehow, and together. I then recognized the footsteps of what had to be two members of the Volturi, most likely Felix and Demetri. These two vampires often did the tracking of the criminals for the Volturi guard. I yanked Bella against the brick wall. It was difficult to face away from her, since I had not seen her beautiful face for so long. I spread my arms wide, just in the chance that Felix and Demetri were to touch my angel. I would not allow something to harm Bella. Especially now.

"Greetings, gentlemen. I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if

you would send my thanks to your masters," I told Felix and Demetri.

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, hoping I would agree.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I spoke more harshly. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri said, trying to have a soothing tone. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you," I said dryly. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I asked her, since I could only guess how frightened she must be at the moment.

"No, bring the girl," Felix whispered.

"I don't think so," I flat out rejected. I knew where they were heading. They also caught the delicious fragrance of her blood, and they were thirsty. I shifted my weight slightly, hoping Bella would not notice even with her unusual sense of observance.

"No," Bella mouthed, ready to argue. I could tell she was still just as stubborn as before.

"Shh," I murmured to her.

"Felix. "Not here." Demetri then turned to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I agreed. '"But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," he said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey."

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix purred.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I replied. I was sure he would. He knew ways to forcing me to stay with him, if he really desired me. Besides, I would never be a part of the Volturi. They were different from us, the Cullens. They feasted on human lives, not animals. Their bright, red crimson eyes were proof to their diets.

Felix and Demetri spread out slightly so they could come from two sides. I was sure they wanted to make me move deeper into the alley, so the sun would not reflect onto our skin. They were hidden well in their gray cloaks which flowed to the ground. But I would not budge. There was no way I would let them get near Bella, or force me into something I did not want to do. But then suddenly, I heard Alice's voice. _Edward. Careful. They're not messing around today._

Of course Alice would have seen my plan and would have gotten Bella to come on a rescue mission for me. I whipped my head around to the sound of her footsteps, and Felix and Demetri followed my lead.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice suggested as she moved to my side. "There are ladies present."

Demetri and Felix both straightened up, and Felix's face soured. It was quite evident that they didn't like even

numbers.

"_Drat. I'd thought we had them_," Felix thought.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded us. Sure enough, a few yards into the square, a family was watching us. The mother asked her husband to get some police to watch us. We must have looked like we were about to start a fight. Demetri met her gaze, and she looked down. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," Demetri spoke again.

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

Six men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions.

"No," I refused. I would not bring Bella into any more danger than she was in right now.

Felix smiled. And then I heard what made him happy out of nowhere. _Edward and Alice Cullen. With a human? Hm._

"Enough," the high, reedy voice spoke from behind. Jane. She was as tiny as Alice, with lank, pale

brown hair trimmed short. Her cloak was almost black, covering a body that was slim and androgynous. She had a face with wide-eyes and full lips. It would make a Botticelli angel look like a gargoyle. Even with the crimson irises.

Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately and stepped back to the shadows. I had to drop my arms and relax. But not because I was relaxed and less stressed. That was quite the opposite. I had to listen to what Jane said. Her power would create a feeling of the most unbearable pain one could imagine. Even worse than the burning sense when first becoming a newborn.

"Jane," I sighed, as Alice folded her arms across her chest, trying to keep her expression impassive.

"Follow me," Jane spoke again in a monotone, as she turned back and drifted into the dark. Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking.

Alice walked after the little Jane at once. I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and pulled her along beside me. I hoped my touch would calm her down a little. I knew how intimidating these other three vampires must be to her, especially in a dark alley.

The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. Bella looked up at me with frantic questions in her eyes, but I could not answer them now. I just shook my head. Demetri and Felix were right behind us, and I could not let them hear.

"Well, Alice," I said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," Alice answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I tried to sound disinterested, but I was really dieing to know.

"It's a long story." Alice's eyes flickered toward Bella and away. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." _Also, she very nearly drowned. Even worse, she has been hanging out with werewolves. Young ones at that. And then, there's even more…I'll tell you the full story later. See, I told you us leaving would be bad for her._

"Hm," I said curtly, and the casual tone of his voice was gone. I could not believe that I actually thought that my leaving would be good for her. I had completely forgotten that Bella was a danger magnet. No, even worse—a trouble magnet. It was one of the first things that drew me to her. It was the feeling of me wanting to protect her.

Jane disappeared into the open hole in the street. I could feel Bella's curiosity to where she went. Alice didn't hesitate and didn't break pace as she strode toward the wall. Then, with easy grace, she slid down the open hole in the street. Bella gaped at the small, black hole.

"It's all right, Bella," I comforted her in a low voice. "Alice will catch you."

She eyed the hole again, crouched down, swung her legs into the gap, and called with a trembling voice, "Alice?"

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice reassured her. I still could feel her discomfort and wariness. I gently took her wrists and lowered her into the hole.

"Ready?" I asked Alice.

"Drop her," she called back, and I dropped her. A second later, I was beside her again. Once again, I put my arm around her, wanting her to be there at my side forever more. I welcomed the warmth of her skin; it was almost like fire compared to the icy coldness of my own skin. Together, Bella and I started forward. She wrapped both arms around my own waist, nearly tripping against the uneven stone surface. I blocked out the others' thoughts to focus on the sound that had made my world complete six months before—Bella's heartbeat.

I couldn't resist touching her face as I held her tightly, close to my side. I traced her lips with my thumb, and sometimes pressed my face into her hair. How had I managed to stay away from this goddess for six months?

I noticed that each time I touched Bella, she seemed to get nervous. It was not the same nervous feeling like six months before, when her heartbeat stuttered when she forgot to breathe, but more like a wary, cautious feeling. I wondered if she had found someone else…if she had gotten over me…if I was too late. I wondered if she still believed the lie that I didn't love her. None of that mattered at the moment. I concentrated on the angel in my arms, and kissed her forehead.

As the tunnel continued downward, I noticed Bella becoming more and more uncomfortable. She truly did seem terrified. The only way I could think of comforting her at the moment was to keep her close by my side and caress her face.

I heard a chattering noise, and realized it was coming from Bella. I hadn't thought of the fact that she would be cold down here, especially in wet clothing. She must have run across the fountain, on her way to try to stop me from stepping into the sun. I let go of her, except her hand. I was too selfish to let go completely. I had to keep at least some part of her in my arms. But like always, Bella stubbornly refused.

"N-n-no," she chattered, throwing her arms around me again. This made me extremely happy, that she wanted to keep her arms around me, like how I needed to keep mine around her, but it also frustrated me, since I wanted to make sure she was warm. I tried chafing against her arm. I was not sure of the result, but Bella seemed grateful.

After a few more minutes, we reached the end of a tunnel. I had to duck through a small door to get to a large, bright stone room. I felt Bella jump as the grille slammed shut with the snap of a lock behind us. The tunnel seemed endless. Not that I was hurrying to where we were going. I definitely did not want to see Aro, Caius, or Marcus right now. I instantly tensed as Bella and I walked through another wooden door, into the bright hallway and elevator. There was no turning back now.

Author's note: this is my first fanfic so please remember to review!!! thanks for all of the support!


	6. Waiting

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

6. Waiting

As we stepped into the elevator, Felix and Demetri took off the hoods on their cloaks, revealing their faces. I tried comforting Bella and keeping her warm by rubbing against her arm. Even though I had not stared into Bella's eyes for nearly six months, I could not take my eyes off of Jane. She could have struck at any second, and I was going to make sure I could protect Bella from the potential pain Jane could inflict. Her power created the feeling of a burning inside of you, along with the worst pain you could think of.

As we stepped into the room, a woman—surprisingly, she was human—welcomed us. "Good afternoon, Jane," she said, totally at ease. I suspected she knew what was really going on, but I could not believe that a human would want to stay in such a place. It confounded me, as the way I was perplexed when Bella chose me over the other boys back in Forks.

"Interesting attire those vampires wear," the human thought. I realized I still did not have my shirt on, so my bare chest glinted dimly in the bright lights.

Jane barely acknowledged the human. She simply nodded to her direction. "Gianna." She continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room, and we followed. Stupid human. It's about time we kill her. I ought to do it myself right this very moment.

As Felix passed the desk, he winked at Gianna, and she giggled. It was obvious she had a thing for him. I shuddered. How could anyone want someone so vile and evil?

On the other side of the wooden doors stood Jane's twin, Alec. He was the antidote to Jane's power, but was still just as awful. He completely cut off all the senses, leaving a vampire blind with no sense of what to do. He came forward to meet us. He smiled, reaching for her. "Jane."

"Alec," she responded, embracing him. They kissed each other's cheeks on both sides. Then he looked at us. Oh great. Two Cullens. And whatever you want to call that little piece. 

"They send you out for one and you come back with two… and a half," he noted, looking at Bella. I did my best to control my anger. "Nice work. Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I agreed in a flat voice. I wished he did not bring up the day before. It would only cause me trouble with Bella in the future. If I had a future with her at all anymore. It seemed pretty doubtful with the way she was so cautious and wary each time I touched her.

Alec chuckled, and examined Bella, as she clung to my side. I was grateful for her being so close. Otherwise, I would have pounced on him by now. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked, skeptical.

I tried smiling but could not keep up the charade when I heard their thoughts. All of them at once were trying to get an order on Bella, as if she were a piece of meat.

"Dibs," Felix called aloud casually from behind. I turned to face him and growled. How dare he say something like that right in front of me? Right in front of Bella?

In response, all he did was smile, with his hand still raised, palm up, curling his fingers twice. It was almost as if he was inviting me forward to attack.

Alice sensed my sudden burst of anger and touched my arm, cautioning me. "Patience."

I glanced at Alice as I read her thoughts. "You can't attack Felix. Not any of them. Especially not now. You do not want to cause any more trouble. They would do anything to have a reason to attack. By the way, they are all extremely thirsty," she thought. Alice was right. I had to keep my emotions in check. I had to keep Bella alive now more than ever. So I took a deep breath and turned back to Alec.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested.

I nodded once. I needed him to be in the best mood possible.

Alec and Jane, holding hands, led the way down yet another wide, ornate hall. We went through another set of doors into a stone antechamber, resembling the alley and sewers below us. It opened quickly into a huge castle turret.

The room was not empty. A handful of people were convened in seemingly relaxed conversation. The murmur of low, smooth voices was a gentle hum in the air. A pair of pale women in summer dresses paused in a patch of light, and, like my own, their skin threw the light in rainbow sparkles against the sienna walls. The faces all turned toward our party as we entered the room in wonder. Most of the immortals were dressed in inconspicuous pants and shirts—things that wouldn't stick out at all on the streets below.

Aro was the first to speak. He wore his pitch-black robe which brushed against the floor. His long, jet-black hair seemed like it was part of the cloak.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he cried in evident delight. His voice was just a soft sighing. Thank goodness she did not do anything other than my instructions. That would have led to trouble.

He drifted forward, with his entire guard converged around him. Some followed, and some walked ahead of him depending on their jobs. He glided to Jane, took her face in his papery hands, kissed her lightly on her full lips, and then floated back a step.

"Yes, Master." Jane smiled. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane." He smiled, too. "You are such a comfort to me." I must give her more credit. I know how much she does not like the other vampires I bring here. "And Alice and Bella, too!" he rejoiced, clapping his thin hands together. "This _is _a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

"Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this." Actually, they could probably care less. Unless Caius…

"Yes, Master." Felix nodded and disappeared back the way we had come.

"You see, Edward? What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro, I am," I agreed, tightening my arm around Bella's waist. I was very grateful and very lucky that I had waited so long to act.

"I love a happy ending." Aro sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" he turned to gaze at Alice with curious, misty eyes. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," Alice smiled. Why does everyone think my visions are perfect? Ugh. Most times they only cause trouble. Like now. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"You're too modest," Aro chided. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

What exactly did you tell him Edward? Why does he think I'm perfect? How does he even know about me? Alice thought as she flickered a glance at me. Aro did not miss it.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." Aro shook his head; his tone on the envious side.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added dryly. I looked over at Alice as I explained. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

Alice raised her delicate eyebrows. Oh, well. That's something interesting. I inclined my head to her, wondering how she could be interested in this matter. Aro didn't miss that either. He was, unfortunately, very observant.

"But to be able to hear from a distance…" Aro sighed, gesturing toward us, "That would be so _convenient_."

Felix came back into the room, with Marcus and Caius.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro crooned. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

"Just superb. Let's throw a party," Marcus thought. He did not think much of the world. Marcus read into the power of relationships.

"And what is so wonderful about that? A human knows our secrets. This can ruin us!" Caius thought. He had no power, except for being inexplicably bitter and violent most of the time.

Their lack of interest did not curb Aro's enjoyment. "Let us have the story," Aro almost sang, as he drifted to his chair.

"Well. Wow. Those two certainly do have intensity. I can almost feel the electricity. It's quite shocking for such opposites." Marcus thought as he felt the way Bella and I felt about each other.

Marcus reached his hand out to Aro and let him know his perception of our relationship. What he covered was a huge understatement of the way I felt about Bella. I snorted, letting the two know they were wrong. Alice looked at me with curious eyes. She hated being left out of private conversations.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro said. "That's quite interesting. Amazing actually," he said, nodding his head. "Absolutely amazing."

Alice's expression was frustrated. I explained to her again in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself. Then he spoke to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro mused, staring at how I was able to keep my arm wrapped around Bella. "How can you stand so close to her like that?" How do you refuse the scent of her blood? 

"It's not without effort," I answered as calmly as I could.

"But still—_la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

I chuckled once without humor. "I look at it more as a price."

Aro was skeptical. "A very high price."

"Opportunity costs."

Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…"

"Waste it," I finished his thoughts.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him—only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly." That was quite the contrary. Carlisle was much, much better than me. That was quite clear of the night of the incident on Bella's birthday.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro mused. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it… _pleases _me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

I didn't reply. How could he doubt Carlisle? Aro was still thinking of my supposed superior control. If only, he really saw how I reacted to Bella's blood that night. If only he really saw how I had to run away the first day we met.

"But _your _restraint!" Aro sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again—if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

I gazed back at Aro's admiration with no expression. I hated how people gave me much more credit than I deserved. They always overestimated my control, and underestimated my true feelings. Nobody would ever know how I really felt.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you…" Aro chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."

I instantly tensed. He was thirsty enough as it was without my memories.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro tried to reassure me. "I mean her no harm. But I am _so _curious, about one thing in particular." He eyed Bella with bright interest. "May I?" he asked eagerly, lifting one hand.

"Ask _her_," I suggested in a flat voice. It was her choice, not mine. I would always give Bella a choice from now on. Everything I had done was wrong. I do not know what to do anymore.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed. "Bella," he addressed her directly now. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent—so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try—to see if you are an

exception for _me_, as well?"

She looked up at me with terror in her eyes. I knew Aro wouldn't dare try anything funny with me around. I nodded in encouragement, trying to assuage her stress.

Aro reached out and smiled at first. I could not help feeling smug, as I noticed that he got absolutely nothing from Bella's thoughts.

"So very interesting," he said as he released Bella's hand and drifted back.

Aro continued to drift with a thoughtful expression. He was quiet for a moment, his eyes flickering between the three of us. Then, abruptly, he shook his head. I knew what he was about to do. And I did not like it one bit.


	7. Verdict

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

7. Verdict

"A first," he said to himself. _A human immune to me. That is new. What if…_ "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents… Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled. I did not want to risk it. Alice grabbed my arm, but I shook her off. I knew Jane's power very well. I did not care if Bella was somehow strangely immune to me and Aro, but I would not risk her with Jane.

Little Jane smiled up happily at Aro. "Yes, Master?"

I could not contain my anger now. My chest was heaving as the sound of my snarling ripped from it. I glared at Aro. Felix began to step forward, but Aro glanced at him. His happy grin turned sulky within a single moment.

Aro spoke to Jane again. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune _to you_."

That really set me off. How dare they risk Bella for mere curiosity? Wasn't her safety most important? Did they not care what I would do if I saw her in pain again?

I had to let go of Bella, to ensure that I would not hurt her myself. I tried to step in front of Bella, to hide her from view a little. I knew this would do little, but I had to try.

Jane started her attack on Bella as a smile crossed her face. I could not just stand there to see Bella writhe in pain. I launched myself toward her.

"Don't!" Alice cried.

But before I even touched Jane, I was on the ground. The agony was unbearable, not as bad as the pain I felt when I had to leave Bella, but it was bad enough.

I heard Bella shriek "Stop!" I almost felt her touch, but then saw Alice throw her arms around her in an unbreakable grasp and ignored her struggles. I was very grateful that Alice stopped her.

I tried to remain silent, so my screams would not torture Bella or Alice and would not give Jane satisfaction.

"Jane," Aro recalled her in a tranquil voice. She looked up quickly, still smiling with pleasure, her eyes questioning. As soon as she looked away, I turned still. The pain was over.

Aro inclined his head toward Bella, and Jane turned her smile into Bella's direction. I struggled against Alice's arms, still trying to defend Bella.

"He's fine," Alice whispered in a tight voice. As she spoke, I sat up, and then sprang lightly to my feet. I looked into her eyes, trying to comprehend what she was thinking. I heard Jane's thoughts of attacking her, and I knew my face showed my horror. But I did not see any pain in Bella's face. I quickly looked at Jane, still smiling, and back to Bella. Luckily, Bella was immune to just about any mental attack on her. My face instantly relaxed with relief.

_What?! How? Why isn't she screaming? Begging for mercy? Begging to die? I don't understand! This is not possible! I must be doing something wrong! _Jane screamed in her mind. She no longer smiled, but glared at Bella, with her jaw clenched with the intensity of her focus.

Nothing happened.

I collected my emotions and went to Bella's side again. I touched Alice's arm, reassuring her that I was fine again.

Aro started to laugh. "Ha, ha. ha," he chuckled. "This is wonderful!"

Jane hissed in frustration, leaning forward like she was preparing to spring.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said in a comforting tone, placing a powder-light hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all."

Jane's upper lip curled back ever her teeth as she continued to glare at Bella.

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro chortled again. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once—just out of curiosity." He shook his head in admiration.

I was disgusted by his pigheadedness. How could he just stand and watch someone suffer in such ways?

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed.

Instantly, Alice and I stiffened. This was the decision we were waiting for. The one we wanted to avoid. But I could not read anything bad in Aro's mind. He was blocking me, but I could tell he was in a good mood.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked Edward hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

Well. Before I had thought Aro was only offering because he wanted to find an excuse to not kill me and keep his friendship with Carlisle. In reality, he really wanted me. Of course, he would still be using me for my power. But what if Bella did not want me anymore? I would go back to wallowing all over again. Maybe I should consider this. No. I'll take the chance. From the way Bella looked up at me now, it seemed as if she wanted me. As if she had completely forgotten about the past six months. Yes, I would take the chance of having her in my life again.

_Another addition?!? What is he thinking? Edward Cullen? Gahh! Yuck! Anybody has more talent than him! What good would he do? _Felix and Jane thought simultaneously as they grimaced at Aro's request.

"I'd… rather… not."

"Alice?" Aro asked, still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?" He, also, wanted Alice's power of seeing the future. He wanted all omniscience. The past, present, and future. The past with his own power, the present with mine, and the future with Alice.

"No, thank you," Alice said.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.

I hissed, not afraid to show my emotion. Was he joking? How dare he ask something like that right in front of me? I thought I had made it quite evident that I was doing my all trying to keep Bella human. Apparently, he saw some power in Bella too.

Caius who broke the silence. "What?" he demanded of Aro; his voice, though no more than a whisper, was flat.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chided him affectionately. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

Caius looked away with a caustic expression. Jane's eyes sparked with indignation at the comparison. She definitely did not like being compared to a human.

I fumed. The rumble in my chest grew louder as every second passed.

"No, thank you," Bella spoke in barely more than a whisper, her voice breaking in what I assumed to be fright.

Aro sighed. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

Once again, I hissed. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this _room. So much for your laws."

"Of course not." Aro blinked, astonished. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

"Aro," Caius hissed. "The law claims them."

I glared at Caius. "How so?" I demanded. Although I knew exactly where he was heading, I made him say it aloud for the others.

Caius pointed one of his skeletal fingers at Bella. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded him of Gianna, the receptionist below.

"Yes," he agreed. "But when _they _are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not," he scoffed.

"I wouldn't—," Bella began, still whispering, but then Caius silenced her with an icy look. I couldn't control my emotions now. Fury and hostility rolled off me in waves.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius continued. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her _life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

I bared my teeth. I would never, ever leave Bella again. Especially here in this wicked, vile place full of evil vampires.

"That's what I thought," Caius said, with something akin to pleasure. Felix leaned forward, eager. He was preparing himself to attack. He was much too thirsty for Bella's safety.

"Unless…" Aro interrupted. He looked unhappy with the way the conversation had gone. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

I pursed his lips, hesitating for a moment before I answered. As much as I didn't want to make Bella change herself into the monster that I was, I figured it was the only way out at the moment. And then, as long as we got out safely, I could protect her from then on. "And if I do?"

Aro smiled, happy again. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." His expression turned more hesitant and raised his hand. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it."

Caius, who had begun to scowl furiously, relaxed.

My lips tightened into a fierce line. I stared into Bella's eyes, trying to see any doubt in them. To see if she really wanted this. To see if she would ever forgive me for putting her through this.

She stared back, and whispered, "Mean it. Please."

I could never stand not to give what Bella wanted. The thought of making her happy and the thought of risking her soul and making her a monster fought a civil war within me. This decision was torturing me, inside out.

And then Alice stepped forward toward Aro. We turned to watch her. Her hand was raised like his. She didn't say anything, and Aro waved off his anxious guard as they moved to block her approach. Aro met her halfway, and took her hand with an eager, acquisitive glint in his eyes.

He bent his head over their touching hands, his eyes closing as he concentrated. Alice was motionless, her face blank. I saw her visions of her and Bella holding hands in the future. Bella had pale skin, even paler than now, and bright crimson eyes. Although she looked jubilant in the vision, I knew she would never forgive me for transforming her. For being so selfish as to ruin her life. My teeth snapped together as I contemplated these facts.

No one moved. Aro seemed frozen over Alice's hand. The visions continued of what could be in Bella and my future.

Another agonizing moment passed, and then Aro's voice broke the silence.

"Ha, ha, ha," he laughed, his head still bent forward. He looked up slowly, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was _fascinating_!"

Alice smiled dryly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"To see the things you've seen—especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" He shook his head in wonder.

"But that will," she reminded him, voice calm.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

Caius looked bitterly disappointed—a feeling he seemed to share with Felix and Jane. It was clear that they wanted Bella dead. I would never allow that.

"Aro," Caius complained.

"Dear Caius," Aro smiled. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household… Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

Aro seemed convinced. Did he not realize how subjective Alice's visions were. That she could make up her mind to transform Bella today, and then change it tomorrow? A million tiny decisions, her decisions and so many others', too—even my own—could alter her path, and with that, the future.

"Then we are free to go now?" Edward asked in an even voice.

"Yes, yes," Aro said pleasantly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius promised, his eyes suddenly half-closed like the heavy-lidded gaze of a lizard. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

To restrain myself from saying something that would keep us here any longer, I clenched my jaw tight and nodded my head once.

Caius smirked and drifted back to where Marcus still sat, unmoving and uninterested. Felix groaned.

"Ah, Felix." Aro smiled, amused. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm." I definitely did not want Bella to see this. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do _happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," I agreed, just hoping to get out of here alive, the sooner the better.

"And here," Aro added, motioning to Felix with one finger. Felix came forward at once, and Aro unfastened the gray cloak the huge vampire wore, pulling from his shoulders. He tossed it to me. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I put the long cloak on, leaving the hood down.

Aro sighed. "It suits you."

"Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below." I heard Heidi and her little group. It was past time for us to leave.

"Goodbye, young friends," Aro said, his eyes bright as he stared in the same direction.

"Let's go," I said, urgent now. I did not know if we would make it out on time for Bella not to see Heidi.

Demetri gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we'd come in, the only exit by the look of things. I pulled Bella swiftly along. Alice was close by her other side, her face hard. We were having another private conversation in our heads. I asked if we would be fast enough to escape the oncoming scene from Heidi.

"Not fast enough," she muttered.

A babble of voices started coming up from the antechamber. They all showed awe and wonder.

"Well this is unusual," a man's coarse voice boomed. "So medieval," an unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back.

A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Demetri motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass.

The couple in front, Americans from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.

"Welcome, guests! Welcome to Volterra!" I could hear Aro sing from the big turret room.

The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures. Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was not making sense anymore. I noticed one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand. She walked more slowly than the others did, touching someone now and then and asking a question in an unfamiliar language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked. She was asking if anybody wanted to run for it with her.

I pulled Bella's face against my chest. But it was too late. Besides, it wasn't like she could not hear. I pushed her quickly toward the door.

The ornate golden hallway was quiet, empty except for one woman. She stared at us curiously, Bella in particular. "Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri greeted her from behind us.

Heidi smiled absently. She reminded me of Rosalie, though they looked nothing alike—it was just that her beauty, too, was exceptional, unforgettable. But it did not compare to how I felt about Bella.

"Demetri," she responded in a silky voice.

"Nice fishing," Demetri complimented her.

"Thanks." She flashed a stunning smile. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

Heidi nodded and ducked through the door with one last curious look at Bella.

I walked quickly out the door. Bella had to run to keep up. It did not matter how fast we ran. We did not get out in enough time to avoid hearing the screaming.


	8. Flight

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

8. FLIGHT

DEMETRI LEFT US IN THE CHEERFULLY OPULENT RECEPTION area, where the woman Gianna was still at her post behind the polished counter. Bright, harmless music tinkled from hidden speakers.

"Do not leave until dark," he warned us.

I nodded, and Demetri hurried away. At least we would be leaving alive.

I felt Gianna eye my cloak. _Wait—he's now part of us? But. Wait. Hold on. I thought. He was with her. Huh? _Her thoughts were incoherent afterwards.

"Are you all right?" I asked Bella quietly, so Gianna would not hear. I could hear the stress in my voice. I was still nervous about having Bella around all of those thirsty vampires. I still blamed myself for putting her in that situation.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces."

Alice was right. Bella was shaking hard. Even her teeth were chattering.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I pulled her to the sofa farthest away from Gianna at the desk.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.

I glanced at Alice, telling her to shut up.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I chanted again and again. I pulled her onto my lap, tucking the thick wool cloak around her to keep her from my cold skin. She was cold enough from being underground in wet clothes before.

"All those people," she sobbed.

"I know," I whispered.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."

Bella rested her head against my chest and used the cloak to dry her eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna asked.

"No," I answered coldly.

She nodded, smiled, and then disappeared.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked once Gianna disappeared.

"Yes. She knows everything," I responded.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She's knows it's a possibility. She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

"She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded once, keeping my eyes on her face to watch her reaction.

Bella shuddered to her thoughts. "How can she want that?" she whispered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

I didn't answer. I hoped Bella would change her mind about changing herself. But it still hurt to hear her say it. Of course, I knew she meant about being a part of the Volturi, but they were the very essence of what all vampires really were.

"Oh, Edward," Bella cried, and was sobbing again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, afraid that I hurt her in the past five minutes, as I rubbed her back with gentle pats.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged herself closer to me. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" Her voice broke twice during the question.

Her move made me happy for the first time in six months. Even after what I did to her, Bella still wanted to hold me. I pulled her even tighter against my chest. "I know exactly what you mean," I whispered. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes. That's a good one."

"And together," I breathed. This word meant so much. I never dreamed that I would be able to say it again.

Bella simply nodded. That could only mean that she did not think we would be together for much longer. My goals for her to get over me worked. Damn. I wanted it to happen, but still it stung.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I whispered again.

"Hopefully," she said uneasily.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice assured us. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added in a satisfied tone.

Bella and I stared into each other's faces. I knew I was imagining different things than she was. I hoped that I would be able to hold her forever like I was now. My fingertips traced her face, lingering under her eyes. I noticed the circles underneath them.

"You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," Bella whispered back, studying the purple bruises under my own eyes.

I shrugged. "It's nothing." I no longer felt the urge to kill her. Thinking my angel was dead for twenty-four hours had completely silenced the monster within me. Sure, I felt the thirst, but it was infinitesimal.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," she offered. I thought I heard a trace of unwillingness in her tone. I hoped that she did not want to move, because holding her in my arms was what made this moment bearable.

"Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. "I've never been in better control of _that _side of my nature than right now."

Bella sat there quietly, pondering over something, staring at my face. She seemed so wary and cautious of me, whenever I touched her. What could she be thinking now? Had I been too late? Did she really get over me?

I stared at her face, trying to read into her eyes. I was also rememorizing every inch of her face, so I would not forget it when she left; meanwhile Alice and I discussed how to gethome.

"What was all that talk about _singers_?" Alice asked at one point.

"_La tua cantante," _Edward said.

"Yes, that," Alice said.

I shrugged. It wasn't that important as it sounded. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer_—because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed.

I could tell Bella was exhausted, but for some reason, she refused to close her eyes and rest.

Now and then, as I talked with Alice, I would lean down suddenly and kiss her—brushing against her hair, her forehead, her nose. The sound of her heartbeat filled my ears and completed the aura of euphoria I was in.

It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.

I heard Alec's footsteps the same time Alice did. My arms tightened around Bella, and both Alice and I looked to the back of the room with wary eyes. Bella leaned back into my chest, tighter than before, as Alec walked through the double doors.

It was good news.

"You're free to leave now," Alec told us. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

"That won't be a problem," I said in an ice cold voice. I couldn't imagine wanting to stay in this city any longer than we had to be here.

Alec smiled, nodded, and disappeared again.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna told us as I helped Bella to her feet. I would have carried her, but I knew how she hated that. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," she added, tried to create a pleasant mood.

Alice shot her a dark look, as we walked out. I wondered what that was about, but Alice was thinking about something else.

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. The long, trailing cloak I was now wearing did not stand out, since there were others in black satin cloaks now, and many were wearing plastic fangs.

"Ridiculous," I muttered.

"Where's Alice?" Bella whispered, in a panicked tone.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" Bella guessed.

I grinned. Bella was still very observant. "Not till we're outside."

Bella looked as if she was about to collapse on her feet, so I wound my arm around her waist and supported most of her weight as we walked.

I led her toward a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the engine running. I slid into the backseat with her. On normal pretenses, I would have demanded to drive, but right now, all I wanted to do was hold Bella in my arms and stare into her beautiful face.

Alice was apologetic. "I'm sorry." She gestured vaguely toward the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from."

"It's fine, Alice," I grinned. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I promised. I owed Alice big time. I owed her much more than a car. I owed her my life.

Alice turned to beam at me. "Yellow."

I kept Bella tight in my arms. I tried to wrap her inside the cloak, to keep her warm.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over."

"I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." She was just as stubborn as ever. Good. She had not changed.

I pressed my lips to the hollow under her ear. "Try," I encouraged her.

She shook her head and I sighed.

"You're still just as stubborn."

On the flight to Atlanta, Bella asked the flight attendant if she could have a Coke. I knew her low tolerance for caffeine. In normal circumstances, she would bounce off the walls with caffeine. This confirmed her exhaustion.

"Bella," I said disapprovingly.

Alice was behind us. I could hear her murmuring to Jasper on the phone.

"I don't want to sleep," she reminded me. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have

nightmares."

I didn't argue after that. I did not want to cause her pain. I had already done that enough.

Bella kept drinking soda, seeming more awake and alert with each sip. Soon, she barely even blinked. I was so happy to have her safe in my arms. I traced her face repeatedly. With each one of my touches, Bella touched my face too. She was still very cautious, and it frustrated me. I had no idea why she was being so wary, and it was driving me mad. I continued to kiss her hair, her forehead, her wrists. I didn't dare kiss her lips yet. I was not ready for that yet.

I didn't speak. I still hoped she would sleep. I remembered how she spoke in her sleep and wondered what she would dream about after this experience.

Somehow, Bella was still awake when we reached the airport in Atlanta, and even as we flew above Seattle's cloud cover.

Alice went quickly to Jasper's side once we landed; they didn't embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other's faces; yet, somehow, the moment was so private that one still felt the need to look away. Carlisle and Esme waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar. Esme reached for Bella, hugging her fiercely, yet awkwardly, because I still kept my arms around her, too, unwilling to give her up just yet.

"Thank you so much," she said in Bella's ear.

Then Esme threw her arms around me, and she looked like she would be crying if that were possible.

"You will _never _put me through that again," she nearly growled.

I grinned, repentantly. "Sorry, Mom."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."

"Hardly," she mumbled.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded me, as if I had not tried to get her to sleep. "Let's get her home."

I dragged Bella on one side, and Esme was on the other. I stiffened as I caught sight of Rosalie beside Emmett.

"Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should," I said, not attempting to keep my voice down.

"It's not her fault," Bella said, pleading to avoid a fight.

"Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

I glowered at Rosalie, who was waiting for us. I tried reading her thoughts, and she did seem sorry. It did not change the fact at what she had done.

"Please, Edward," Bella said.

I sighed, and towed her toward the car. How could I not give her what she wanted? I owed Bella, as well as Alice, my life.

Emmett and Rosalie got in the front seat without speaking, while I pulled Bella in the back. She laid her head against my chest, finally giving in to exhaustion and letting her eyes close.

"Edward," Rosalie began.

"I know." My tone was not generous, but her thoughts really did show that she was sorry.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked softly.

Bella's eyelids fluttered open suddenly. "Yes, Rosalie?" she asked, a little hesitant.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

The words were awkward, stilted because of her embarrassment, but they seemed sincere.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled.

"I'm conscious," she argued, but to no avail; it just sounded like a garbled sigh.

"Let her sleep," I insisted.

We soon arrived to Bella's house. Since she was still sleeping, I carried her from the car.

"Bella!" Charlie shouted from some distance. He was definitely very angry with me. I deserved it.

"Charlie," Bella mumbled.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," Charlie bellowed at me.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella groaned.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I assured him quietly. I wanted to get Bella upstairs, so she could sleep. I would deal with Charlie later. "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I tried to pass Bella to Charlie, doubting his strength. But Bella clung to me with locked, tenacious fingers.

"Cut it out, Dad," Bella said with more volume. "Be mad at _me_."

"You bet I will be," Charlie promised. "Get inside."

'"Kay. Let me down," she sighed. It seemed that she was as unwilling to let go as I was. But I was not completely sure. And surely, I was not going to argue with Charlie now.

I set her on her feet, but Bella tripped, of course. My arms caught her before she hit the concrete.

"Just let me gether upstairs," I asked Charlie. "Then I'll leave."

"No," Bella cried.

"I won't be far," I promised, in a whisper too low for Charlie to hear.

I did not wait for Charlie's answer; I headed into the house. Bella fell asleep again as soon as we reached the stairs.


	9. The Truth

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

9. THE TRUTH

I lay next to Bella as she slept. This brought back so many good memories. Ones that would haunt me for the rest of my existence if I lost Bella again when she woke.

Bella actually talked very little in her sleep tonight. It tortured me to think of what she was dreaming about. I could only imagine the nightmares she described earlier.

I heard her inhale deeply, so I touched her forehead with the softest pressure. Bella squeezed her eyes more tightly shut. I still had my arms wrapped around her. I knew it would hurt me later, but I would take it gladly. I would do anything to relive this moment.

She sighed, and opened her eyes. "Oh!" she gasped, throwing her fists over her eyes.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked anxiously, as Bella opened her eyes again.

"Oh, _crap," _she croaked.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned unhappily. What was wrong? I really wished I could read her thoughts. This was driving me insane.

"I'm dead, right?" she moaned. "I _did drown_. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I frowned, too. "You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged.

"You _are _awake, Bella."

She shook her head, refusing to believe me. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If _I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…" she trailed off.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I tried smiling, but I did not find this situation humorous. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed, content but worried. It seemed that Bella still wanted to be with me. How could she not remember what had happened in the past three days?

"Did all of that really happen, then?"

"That depends." I smiled. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

Of course, she would think about that, rather than the being massacred part. I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

"Charlie?" I asked.

I frowned. I did not want to be reminded of the confrontation. It hurt too much. I was forbidden to ever step through the door of his house again. "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she asked.

I could tell my eyes and face were sad. It was only to be expected. "Did you expect anything else?"

Hereyes were furious. "What's the story?" she asked, surprising me. Everything she did surprised me.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for… how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days. Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I offered, trying to comfort her.

"So," she began. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

"Nothing terribly exciting." I definitely did not want to talk about this with her. Not now.

"Of course not," she mumbled.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well. If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed again. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she repeated scornfully. I waited for my answer. "Maybe," Bella said after a second of thought. "If you tell me."

"I was… hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she criticized. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing my words with care. This was not going to go well. "I wasn't hunting for food… I was actually trying my hand at… tracking. I'm not very good at it." That was definitely the understatement of the century.

"What were you tracking?" Bella asked, now intrigued. I was afraid of this. I did not want to frighten her anymore. The Volturi had done enough damage on their part.

"Nothing of consequence."

"I don't understand."

I hesitated again. Should I tell her the truth or lie? Right and wrong played before my eyes again.

"I—" I took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria,"—my lips curled back when I said the name—"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself"—I shuddered and the gush of words halted for a short second. "Please know that I had no

idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for—"

"Stop," she interrupted me. I stared at her with agonized eyes. "Edward. This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this _guilt_… rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is _for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and—"

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt_ _guilty_?"

Did she not remember me tell her that I could not live without her? That there was no point to my world without her? That she was the very core of my existence? Guilt was the last reason why I went to the Volturi.

"Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said with my voice as soft as possible. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death"—I shuddered at the last word—"even if it _wasn't _my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

"The odds…" I muttered then, distracted. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," I said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was _dead?"

I stared at her dubiously for a long moment before answering. She obviously did not remember that day very well, when we were on her couch watching Romeo and Juliet. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything _that you told me."

I brushed the tip of her lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I closed his eyes, shaking my head back and forth with half a smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am. Confused."

I stared deep into her eyes. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

I shook my shoulder, trying to loosen her sudden rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced. I was prepared to lie for hours to get her to believe me that I didn't love her. It only took a few seconds. Ridiculous. "That was… excruciating."

She waited, still frozen.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye, you weren't going to let go," I whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't

love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd moved _on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered through unmoving lips.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

She didn't answer.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed _that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that _I _could exist without needing _you_!"

Silence filled the room again. I shook her shoulder again, trying to make it sink in. How could she believe the lie but not the truth?

"Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"

And then she started to cry. "I knew it," I sobbed. "I _knew _I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I said, and I laughed once out of frustration. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have _always loved you, and I _will _always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Bella shook her head again while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of her eyes down her cheeks.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered. I could feel my face pale even more than usual. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," she explained, with her voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."

My eyes narrowed, and my jaw tightened. What an absurd belief! I was lucky to have her love me, not the other way around.

"I'll prove you're awake," I promised. Then, I took her face between my hands. I ignored her when she tried to look away. I needed to do this. I needed to kiss her.

"Please don't," she whispered.

Then I stopped, my lips just half an inch from hers. She really didn't want to kiss me.

"Why not?" he demanded.

"When I wake up"—I opened my mouth to protest—"okay, forget that one—when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back an inch, to stare at her face. That explained so much.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have _moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I whispered.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

She stared at me darkly for a long moment. It seemed endless to wait for her answer. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you—and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

Suddenly, I kissed her with a passion I never had before. I needed her. Every inch. I wasn't as careful as usual, but that was fine for the moment. I could feel her body against mine. My hands touched her face, memorizing it again, as hers were tracing my face.

I could sense that Bella couldn't breathe anymore, so I pulled away. Her heart was soaring, so I lay my ear against it.

I waited for her gasping for air to slow and quiet a little.

"By the way," I said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you." No. I would never do that again. I was not strong enough. Besides, my leaving was a terrible mistake. Bella was not any safer without me than she was with me. She truly was a danger magnet and needed a protector. I could do that.

I lifted her face to lock my gaze in hers. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I added more seriously. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving

was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you _could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't _be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered, still doubting me.

Now I was starting to get angry. "You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No—not lying." She shook her head. "You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched. But no. That wouldn't change anything. I now saw that no matter what I did, it wouldn't help Bella.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" Bella spoke again. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time—and not much of it—before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

She grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I insisted. I would do anything to make Bella accept me again. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited, making sure she was really listening.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

"That's just the problem—they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she muttered.

"Funny?" How could my pain be funny?

"I meant strange—I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long. And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I closed my eyes and laid my ear over her heart again. Bella's heartbeat was the most beautiful sound I ever heard. Bella pressed her cheek against my hair.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked again, curious.

"No." I sighed. Back to the subject I preferred not to talk about. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with… Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil—and really she came here." I groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears—"

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" she half-shrieked.

Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

"Not well," Edward answered, studying her outraged expression with a confused look. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

"That is… out of the question," she choked out.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after—"

Bella interrupted me again, trying to sound calm. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned. She was right. A snarl began to build low in my chest. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria"—the snarl became more pronounced—"is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," she said. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

My eyes narrowed, but I nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

She snorted. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse that a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

"Really?" I asked. I fought back what I really wanted to say, but criticizing her running around with stupid wolves would not make the situation easier. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she hedged.

"All right," I agreed. I could not imagine anything.

She paused. "There are others who are coming to look for me," she reminded me in a subdued whisper.

I sighed. "The Volturi are only the _second _greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it," she noted. Very observant, indeed.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," I added.

"You don't have to be afraid," I said, anxious as I saw tears dew up again on the rims of her eyes. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here."

I took her face between my two hands, holding it tightly while my eyes glared into hers. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered. The tears leaked over the edge. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

My eyes softened, but my mouth went hard. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice do I have? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…"

"Yes?" I asked, waiting for the question.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?"

I brushed the tears from her cheek with my lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I breathed against her skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" I hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew _me_—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she demanded.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously. Sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left—"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty"_—hissing the word—"do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered slowly, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But…"

"But?"

I grinned while she stared at me warily. "I have a few plans."

"And these plans. These plans all center around me staying _human_."

"Naturally."

We glowered at each other for a long minute.

Then she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and pushed my arms away so that she could sit up.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked. It hurt, but I tried not to show it. I doubted it worked, since Bella's heart fluttered in response.

"No," she declared. "_I'm _leaving."

I watched her suspiciously as she climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in the dark room, looking for shoes. What was she thinking now?

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked.

"I'm going to your house," she affirmed confidently.

I got up and came to her side. She was still fumbling around. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to _get _there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie."

She sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I suggested. I doubted she would actually listen.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," Bella encouraged as she headed for the door.

But I was there before her, and blocked her way.

She turned around and headed for the window.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll give you a ride."

She shrugged. "Either way. But you probably _should _be there, too."

What was she planning? I had no idea what she was doing. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject?" I asked through my teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?"

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."


	10. Vote

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

10. VOTE

I WAS NOT PLEASED. But, without further argument, I took her in my arms and sprang lithely from the window.

"All right then," I said. "Up you go."

I helped her onto my back, and took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine. Easy. Running with her was magical. I completely lost myself in it.

Suddenly, Bella kissed my neck. I hoped this meant that she finally accepted that she wasn't asleep anymore.

"Thank you," I said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

Bella laughed. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured, mostly to myself. I would do anything for her to accept me again, to make it like the previous six months never happened. "If it's my final act."

"I trust _you_," she tried assuring me. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please," I asked as I slowed to a walk.

"Well—" she struggled to phrase it. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold _you."

I stopped and reached around to pull her from my back. I did not release her; after I'd set her on her feet again, I wrapped my arms tightly around her, hugging her to my chest. How could she think such absurd concepts?

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that."

"You never did tell me…" I murmured again.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess," she sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of my nose with her index finger.

I nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."

I did deserve it. I hurt her so badly last September.

She rolled her eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

I waited. I did not understand her logic.

"You can leave me," she explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

Anguish twisted my face again.

"Don't," she whispered, touching my face. "Don't be sad."

I tried smiling, but I knew it didn't fool her. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't _leave you," I whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," she agreed quickly. "So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" she asked, changing the subject to make my anguish disappear.

It did work. I laughed, but it did not reach my eyes. "Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."

_"Really?"_

I nodded, slightly cheered by her pleasure in this fact.

"I think," she said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?" I asked flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"It's pretty pathetic."

I waited.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun."

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"

"Motorcycle?" I asked. I did not hear anything about a motorcycle.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that… See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly," she confessed. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you

were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I truly hated myself now. "You… were… risking your life… to hear—"

"Shh," she interrupted me. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I waited, desperately wishing more than ever to hear her thoughts.

"Oh!"

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I asked.

"You love me," she marveled.

I flashed my crooked smile that she loved so much. I could still feel that my eyes were anxious. "Truly, I do."

I took her face tightly between my hands and kissed her again with a passion that made the forest seem to be ablaze. Then I leaned my forehead against hers. She was not the only one breathing harder than usual.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I stated.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me."

I grinned, sheepish. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

"I only heard one voice," Bella corrected me.

I laughed and then pulled her tight against my right side and started to lead her forward. "I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged indifferently, as I led her through the open front door into the dark house and flipped the lights on.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I called at a quiet volume. There was no need to yell. They would hear.

Carlisle was suddenly standing beside Bella, as if he'd been there all along. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Carlisle instantly picked up my mood. _Ah, she's thinking about the Volturi, isn't she? This is about her mortality, isn't it? _

"Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. Bella took the chair that Carlisle offered her at the head, and I sat next to her. Esme had followed me, and behind her the rest of the family filed in.

Carlisle sat down on her right, and I was on her left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at Bella; she was already in on the plot. Of course, she supported Bella.

Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie smiled at Bella tentatively.

Carlisle nodded toward Bella. "The floor is yours."

_Edward, she's a bit nervous. What's going on?_ Jasper thought.

I took her hand under the table, hoping to calm her.

"Well," she paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assured her.

"And on the way?"

"That, too," she nodded.

"Good," she sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page."

"So, I have a problem," Bella began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing—something to avoid. And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that."

I grimaced. Bella had nothing to apologize for. This was all my fault. I dragged her into this world, and now she was suffering because of me.

"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme opened her mouth to speak, but Bella held up one finger to stop her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I tried to keep my growl in my chest, but it erupted out.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire," Bella continued, ignoring me.

"Just a minute," I interrupted. Bella glared at me through narrowed eyes. I squeezed her hand and continued. "I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious. You see," I explained, looking around the table while I spoke, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to cine them in." I grinned.

"Which was?" Alice prodded.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I glanced down at Bella. She shuddered. Of course, she remembered. It was hard not to forget a monster.

"He finds people—that's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker—a tracker a thousand times more gifted than Jarres was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella said flatly.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," I said with fierce enjoyment. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

"But they can find you," she reminded me.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward me, extending a fist. "Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm.

I stretched out my arm to smack Emmett's fist.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," Bella agreed.

"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

Esme just glared at me.

Bella straightened up in her chair, focusing. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," she said, trying to stay cool. "Let's vote."

She looked toward me this time.

"Do you want me to join your family?" she asked.

"Not that way. You're staying human."

Bella nodded once, and then moved on.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes," he said. He did not want to make me angry, but he would support Alice's decisions.

"Rosalie?"

She hesitated, biting down on her full, perfect bottom lip. "No."

"Let me explain," she pleaded after a moment of silence. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" He grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." My own brother betrayed me. I was becoming very angry.

Esme was next. "Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme," Bella murmured as she turned toward Carlisle.

Carlisle was looking at me, rather than Bella. I knew his decision, and he knew that too. I definitely did not like this meeting.

"Edward," Carlisle said.

"No," I growled.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I dropped Bella's hand and stalked out of the room, snarling under my breath.

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

I was very angry, and I couldn't control myself. I needed to break something. I picked up the TV and crushed it. The crash was definitely heard from the other room, since all thoughts turned to say "What was that? What is he doing in there?"

"That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too," Bella spoke again.

"Dearest Bella," Esme breathed, as she hugged Bella.

"Well, Alice," Bella said when Esme released her. "Where do you want to do this?"

I really lost it then. If Bella was determined to change herself into a vampire, I wanted to be the one to do it. I was sure I could control myself. And I knew I could buy some time. "No! No! NO!" I roared, charging back into the room. "Are you insane?" I shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Bella cringed away from my face, which was inches away from hers, with her hands over her ears.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm _ready _for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella reminded her.

"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not _kill you."

"You can do it," Bella encouraged. "I trust you."

I snarled in fury. _Edward, help me out here! I'm so not ready to do this!_ Alice was panicking in her thoughts. She did not want this to happen—yet.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned to look at him.

I grabbed her face with my hand and forced her to look at me. I held my hand out to Carlisle, gesturing for him to hold on. But he ignored me. "I'm able to do it," he answered. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," Bella replied.

"Hold on," I said between my teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella argued.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," she said sourly. "Now let go of me."

I freed her face and folded my arms across my chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police. All three of them." Then she frowned.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_," I continued, still through gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

For once, Bella didn't argue. "I'll consider it."

I could finally relax. I now still had time to change Bella's mind. That's all that mattered. Time. I unclenched my jaw again. I was much more calm, but I was sure Jasper had something to do with that. My mind was still all over the place. I needed to get Bella home before Charlie woke up—and before somebody promised Bella anything else.

"I should probably take you home," I said. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"

"You have my word."

"Okay. You can take me home."

I rushed her out of the house through the back door. Bella was unusually quiet during the trip. I wondered what she was thinking about, but I did not ask. I was calculating my own plan.

I did not pause when we arrived at her house. I dashed up the wall and through the window in a matter of seconds. I set Bella down on the bed. We suddenly had a lot to discuss. I wondered how to start, so I paced silently across her room.

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," Bella interrupted my concentration.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"Ugh," she groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over her head. I definitely needed to see her face. First, I had lived without it for too long. Second, I needed to see her expression to this plan. I flipped the quilt back and lay next to her. I brushed the hair from her cheek. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something."

"What?" she asked, almost unwilling.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You."

I shook my head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you _to change me."

This was good. I could definitely work this to my advantage. Also, I was thrilled that we both wanted the same thing.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked her.

"Anything."

I smiled faintly, and then pursed my lips. "Five years?"

Her face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

I frowned. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anyrhing to you at all?"

"Six months?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near _twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

I thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" Her voice went flat. "What condition?"

"Marry me first."


	11. Discussions

disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer (what an amazing author/woman for creating such a perfect world). I use dialogue from her outtakes and from the actual novels. It is her ideas, with a twist of my own thoughts behind the complex character of Edward Cullen..sigh..

**Previously in Edward's POV:**

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You," Bella replied without thinking.

I shook my head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you _to change me."

This was good. I could definitely work this to my advantage. Also, I was thrilled that we both wanted the same thing.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked her.

"Anything."

I smiled faintly, and then pursed my lips. "Five years?"

Her face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

I frowned. "Three years?"

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anyrhing to you at all?"

"Six months?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near _twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

I thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" Her voice went flat. "What condition?"

"Marry me first."

**11. Discussions**

She stared at me, waiting as if I was going to take it back. But I wasn't. I wanted this more than anything. "Okay. What's the punch line?" she spoke sarcastically.

I sighed. Of course, Bella would say something like that. I only expected it. She was raised to scorn marriage at an early age. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." I gazed at her with the most serious face I had pulled off in years.

"Oh, c'mon," she said. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean."

I inhaled deeply. Was she afraid to have to be stuck with me forever? Did she think she would change her mind later on? "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment."

"That's not it exactly," she hedged. "I'm… afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than _get _married." I laughed.

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then—"

"Well," I interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smiled. There was no way she was serious. My angel was a terrible liar. "Sure. I'll get my car."

"Dammit," Bella muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal," I said, grinning. "I like _this _condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want." I shrugged. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist, knowing that I was willing to do it myself.

"You're impossible," she groaned. "A monster."

I chuckled. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

Bella groaned again. This was exactly what I needed. Time and being able to have Bella forever. Proof that she was mine and no one else's.

I tried dazzling her into it. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist. My eyes smoldered into hers, as I leaned closer. "_Please_, Bella?"

Her breathing stopped for a moment. I knew it had worked. She snapped out of it and shook her head quickly. I wondered if this was an answer or an attempt to clear her mind.

"Would this have gone better if I d had time to get a ring?" I asked.

"No! No rings!" she shouted, loud enough to wake Charlie. I heard his snores stop, and his footsteps quietly walked across his room.

"Now you've done it," I whispered.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I spoke quietly. I definitely did not want to leave. Especially now. There was so much to discuss!

Her heart stopped beating. I looked at Bella's expression, and decided that it would be better if I stayed—for the both of us. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," she whispered eagerly. "Stay. Please."

I smiled and disappeared into her closet. I positioned myself in a way so I could see through the crack of the door.

"Morning, Dad," Bella spoke as her door cracked open.

"Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." Bella started to get up.

"Hold on," Charlie said, flipping the light on. "Let's talk for a minute first."

Bella grimaced. I wished I could go over there and comfort her, but then Charlie would have found out about our nights together.

"You know you're in trouble," Charlie declared. He was still very angry about the incident. In his thoughts, he was cursing me out, which I deserved after putting Bella through all of that pain.

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if—you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…" He couldn't finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

I flinched. No. Not now. Don't send her away from me.

Her eyes narrowed. She sat up, pulling the quilt around her. "Because I won't go."

"Now just one minute, young lady—"

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that won't make me to go to Florida."

His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Oh, crap. Bella and I did not decide on a story yet to excuse ourselves from the trip. "There was… an emergency," she explained.

He raised his eyebrows.

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

He waited silently. He expected much more out of his daughter.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" Well that was a major mistake on Bella's part. Charlie had no idea about the cliff.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," she choked out. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L.A., to explain in person." She shrugged as if it was no big deal.

Charlie's anger turned to concern. He was frozen as he continued the discussion. "_Were _you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

I was definitely not allowing Bella to hang out with these "La Push kids" again. They were a source of trouble to my danger magnet of an angel.

Then Charlie's face heated up—from frozen to hot with fury—as he thought of me again. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he barked. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word—"

Bella interrupted him again. "Another misunderstanding."

His face flushed again. "So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think _they all are."

He shook his head, the vein in his forehead pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine," she said curtly. I flinched. What, after that previous discussion of marriage and transformation, Bella had changed her mind on me?

Charlie rocked back onto his heels. "Oh." He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am." Bella stared straight into his eyes. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out." I exhaled. I clearly misinterpreted her. But at the same time, I became more stressed. I did not want to cause Bella to fight with her father.

His eyes bulged; his face turned puce.

"Dad, I don't _want _to move out," she said in a softer tone. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." She said with confidence.

"Not under my roof," Charlie stormed.

She sighed. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella—"

"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really _need a shower."

Charlie's face was a strange shade of purple, but he left, slamming the door behind him. I heard him stomp furiously down the stairs. Even Bella could probably hear him.

Bella threw off her quilt, but I was already there, sitting in the rocking chair.

"Sorry about that," she whispered.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," she breathed as she gathered up her bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?"

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" She grinned. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

My jaw tightened. Why did she have to bring that up again? "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered under my breath, positive that Bella could hear me still.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I fumed.

"No. You don't."

I glowered at her and started to speak, but she cut me off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't—you said '_Amazing. Carlisle was right,'" _she reminded me, triumphant and smug. "There's hope in you, after all."

I was speechless. She was right. Bella was extremely observant, which was not any help for me.

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" she suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I got up slowly, and came to put my hands on her face. I stared into her eyes. "Forever," I vowed. I would never leave her again, as long as she wanted me. Then, if she did outgrow me, it would be a different story.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said, and stretched up on her toes so that our lips came together.


	12. Author's Note

Please, please, please review! It helps me to write better, knowing that you readers actually

like the story. I am not sure if I should continue writing past New Moon. So please review

and let me know what you think!

PS: The Epilogue is coming soon!


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